Redundancy and Identity as a Man

So you have probably read about the unemployment statistics in the papers and think - poor bastards, that must be tough. The last month's statistics come out, and the numbers kind of blur into the background noise of the radio or television.

Well they did for me, until I became one of the Statistics. Yep, those numbers are actual people - maybe they should extend the news coverage to read out the names of the people made redundant in the previous month - yeah, not going to happen!

A weird dynamic occurs after the shock, denial, grief of a redundancy. Friends and relatives generally offer an amplified sympathetic response along the lines of 'Oh my God - that's terrible. What are you going to do? Don't worry, you'll get something in no time...' - all of course with the best intentions. Reality today, is that where there were 50-100 applicants for any one position, there are now up to 1000+. Employers are pulling their job vacancy ads after a few days because they simply can not cope with the sheer volume of applicants.

What does all of this have to do with identity? Well aside from financial strain, relationship strain, mental/emotional strain; a phenomena around self worth starts to kick in, and it is particularly potent [deliberate choice of words] for men. Traditionally the hunter, in more recent times, the provider, the man will naturally start to question himself, his worth, his ability. The whole topic of how we perceive our sense of our own self worth is the topic of another blog, another day, another time.

It is the role, that is topical right now. Man [and woman] has many roles to fulfill. And, we need to remember, there is a person, with a soul, an identity that occupies and performs those roles. It is far too easy for any of us mere mortals to associate with our roles and believe that we are in fact, our role/s. Now a very wise man, a close friend of mine, reminded me a few weeks ago that the reality is that we spend the best part of our day in our (job/profession/vocation) role, and of course that is going to influence who we are, or part of our identity. I wanted to debate it, but there comes a time when you are in the presence of an elder (well slightly, he's still young at heart) and just need to shut up and listen - well it was the case for me anyway!

If we associate with our job, or our role too much, it leaves us susceptable to outside influences impacting on our well-being, our sense of self. For example, if I were to introduce myself to someone and say, "Hi I am a Doctor/Builder/Director/Trainer/Laborer..." then I am associating my role with who I am. I am speaking at an Identity level as soon as I say "I am a...". Problem with this is that if external forces impact on that role (or my ability to perform that role), all of a sudden I personally am exposed. Exposed to the reality that if the role is taken away such as in the event of a redundancy, and I no longer fulfill the role (that I may have associated with), who am I without the role?

What are your roles in your life? How much do you associate your Self with these roles? Who are you (now)? Who are you without your roles?

Another wise friend recently said,

"I don't care what you are doing; I do care who you are being and whether you show up [for your life]"

Surround yourself with Men who will reflect your truth, call a spade a spade, and help you get to know who you are [being].